Gamble
by Basikilos
Summary: Joshua's tale of abandoning Jehanna, facing his past, and falling in love


Disclaimer: Characters belong to Intelligent Systems and Nintendo, not me. Some of the dialogue too.

* * *

I hadn't realized it was a gamble at the time.

I believed myself unworthy of the crown. I knew nothing of the common people, of their hopes, their dreams, their desires, their sorrows. I wanted to join them, to learn what they expected of a worthy ruler.

So I snuck out for a little adventure.

I still chuckle a bit, remembering that time when I'd fled with nothing else save the clothes on my back and a few coins in my pocket. I'd been flipping one over and over, wondering if chance would tell me to go or stay.

I know now that it hadn't been chance – I'd have kept flipping that coin until it told me to leave.

Once my luck ran out and I'd gambled all my money away, I turned to being a sword for hire.

It was really a carefree, wonderful, life, living day to day on the money I'd earned and gambling my life for more. I was young, and I didn't think too carefully about whom I was working for, reveling in the excitement of the danger.

After a while, though, I began to realize. Mercenaries are neither respected nor trusted – our only loyalty is to money.

I wanted out. But if I were to desert, who would I fight for? A mercenary's only loyalty is to money. If I were to abandon that, too…

Then I met _her_. She had been my target at the time, and the band of mercenaries I had been in was working for Grado. I didn't want to kill her. Beautiful, fragile, yet still filled with strength and determination. Naïve and honest, she was nothing like me.

I guess that's why I found myself instantly drawn to her.

I'd made a bet with her – if she guessed the flip of the coin correctly, I'd go against Grado's orders and join her. She'd wavered, starting with heads, but changing quickly to tails. I flipped the coin…and it landed on heads.

She looked so vulnerable, so scared. "…Which is it…?" she asked, craning her neck to try to get a better look at the coin.

I covered it quickly and glanced up at her with a smirk on my face. "Looks like it's not my lucky day. Guess I'm on your side now."

So I deserted.

Later, when we had moved to Jehanna, I felt a pang of regret in my heart. Would my mother be okay? True, she was a swordmistress of the highest degree, but faced with the sheer numbers of Grado…

I found myself face-to-face with my old mentor, Carlyle. I asked him why he was continuing this treason when it was clear that Grado would dispose of him at the end. He shook his head, and refused to meet my eyes.

"I can't turn back now. It's too late…far too late."

He raised his blade.

I couldn't face him. He was my mentor! He was the very man who had taught me how to hold the sword in my hand, how to parry and slash. How could I possibly best him in a duel?

He'd cut me already, while these thoughts raced through my head. A gash in my arm, nothing life-threatening, but it would become a problem if our duel dragged on for too long.

"Come, Joshua." He raised a hand. "Certainly you know that there is no way you can defeat me. After all, I was the one who taught you. I understand your weaknesses, your fighting style. Desert your lords from Renais, and you shall be spared from Grado's wrath."

I looked back at _her_. She raised her stave and with a tingling sensation, my injury closed over. The skin and muscles knitted themselves together, and I felt rejuvenated. She stood so close to the battle that if I was defeated, she would surely be killed by Carlyle. But she had no worries. Her clear eyes spoke of her complete trust in my abilities. I would not desert again.

I glanced back at Carlyle.

"That may be true, but it's been a while since you've last seen me fight, _old man_." I smirked and dashed at him, feinting and stabbing.

And I defeated him. I felt a little pang of sorrow, watching the man who had schooled me in combat since infanthood bleed out on the battlefield from a wound I myself had given him.

The very next mission, we ran into Caellach. Man, it seemed like my past was out to get me at that point! He stared at me unbelievingly.

"Hey! Joshua! Is that really you? How many years has it been?"

"About two...what've you been up to? You know, that innkeeper's still mad you stiffed him," I replied. It had been a running joke between the two of us, to see how long the innkeeper would remember the man who'd drunk all his beer and run off into the night.

He chuckled. "Oh, please…that old dog's still alive? How's the rest of the troupe doing?"

"Getting by," I answered. To be honest, I hadn't seen any of them since I'd deserted Grado. "Some of them ended up feeding the crows, but that's not surprising considering our line of work."

"Is that so? Those were the good times, weren't they, Joshua? We were terrors on the battlefield, and even worse off it."

Reminiscing on the old days, forgetting the sandstorm that whipped into my skin and stung my eyes, I let a small smile escape. "Yeah, we were. I remember how you'd always get carried away and pick fights with me. You always said the same thing – 'I'm going to be King!' I'd always win though."

He smirked. "Nah, I think your head's gotten a little muddled since then, _I_ was the one who always won. But yeah, that's my dream. And I'll do anything to make it come true. What say you we fight together again, hey? Team up with me and ditch those losers you're with."

And just like that, everything came to a halt. It wasn't the old days anymore. We were on a battlefield with everything at stake. Just like the old days, except we were no longer fighting for the same side. "Sorry, can't do it…you're him, aren't you? The one who killed my mother."

"Yeah…sorry 'bout that. Things happen, you know? C'mon Joshua, don't hate me. This is war. We all gotta do what we all gotta do."

"That's true. Listen Caellach…I have to kill you now. Don't hold it against me – we all gotta do what we all gotta do."

"I see how it is. Well…want to get started?"

I gritted my teeth, watching him for any unexpected moves, but tried to keep a nonchalant air. "Mm…sure."

He puffed up his chest. "I'm stronger than I used to be. No offense, but you're not in my league anymore. Sorry, Joshua. Don't hate me."

"Same goes to you."

It had been a fierce battle, but in the end, I won, like I always did. And for the second time, I watched as a memory from my past perished at my blade.

Perhaps if I hadn't left Jehanna, my mother would not have died. Like I said, I hadn't known it was a gamble at the time. A gamble that I lost – and paid for with my mother's life.

She had been there as my light, a guiding source of hope. She healed me when I was in pain, comforted me in my sorrows. Her smile was all I needed, all that I wanted to protect.

I bet that she would fall for me, and she had. At least I hope she had, because I knew that I had fallen for her.

Later, I'd made another bet with her. I bet that I'd be able to make her happy. It had been a hard gamble and a risky bet, but she accepted, and now her future was riding on it.

I would do all I could to win this wager. And who knows? Maybe Lady Luck will send some fortune my way.

After all, gambling is one of my two loves in life.

* * *

A/N: I kind of rushed to finish this one because it's been languishing for many long months. Maybe I'll come back and edit it/add more, but I just wanted to get it done with for now.


End file.
